Scene 10
So much invested — how can I leave it now?
An important project has long brought more heaviness than interest. Yet the thought of stopping seems to devalue all the years invested. Where is the line between persistence and the fear of acknowledging change?
This is one person's inner conversation. Two puppets express different positions within the same experience.
So much invested — how can I leave it now?
Late evening. An old project folder lies open: early sketches, plans, and a list of unfinished tasks.
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Full dialogue
Late evening. An old project folder lies open: early sketches, plans, and a list of unfinished tasks.
Red puppet
Today there was some free time for this project. And the whole evening went to anything but the project
Blue puppet
Maybe tiredness has simply built up. Not every difficult stretch means it's time to give everything up.
Red puppet
I agree. But I've been calling this a difficult stretch for several months now.
Blue puppet
Because those months really have been difficult.
Red puppet
Yes. But when I think about the next stage, I don't even feel curious. Just the feeling that I'll have to talk myself into it again.
Blue puppet
There used to be curiosity, though. Look at the first notes. So many of your ideas are here.
Red puppet
That's why it's so hard to close the folder. These aren't just tasks. This is something so much hope went into.
Blue puppet
And time. Money. People who heard what was supposed to come of it.
A brief pause.
Red puppet
It feels as though stopping now would mean admitting that all of this was for nothing.
Blue puppet
And that there was more confidence at the beginning than there were reasons for it.
Red puppet
What if I keep going just so the beginning won't look like a mistake?
Blue puppet
You're talking as though everything were clear already. What if the result is just around the corner?
Red puppet
I don't know. That very ‘what if’ is what keeps me here for another month every time.
Blue puppet
But sometimes people really are just one step short. I'm afraid we'll leave too soon.
Red puppet
I'm afraid too. But I no longer understand what exactly I'm trying to reach: a result, or the chance to say I had the strength to make it to the end.
Blue puppet
Doesn't seeing it through matter?
Red puppet
It does. But I want to understand what we're preserving now: the project itself, or an image of myself as someone who doesn't back down.
A pause.
Blue puppet
When you say it like that, it feels as though my persistence is just stubbornness.
Red puppet
No. Without it, a lot of what's here would never have existed. I don't want to dismiss what helped.
Blue puppet
Then why does the thought of ending it bring so much shame?
Red puppet
Maybe because, for us, ending it still means losing. We don't have another name for it.
Blue puppet
And we'll have to tell other people. Answer: ‘What happened to your idea?’
Red puppet
Yes. But I'm already avoiding that question now, even though officially nothing has ended.
Blue puppet
So continuing doesn't protect us from shame either.
Red puppet
Not always. Sometimes it just puts off the conversation.
Blue puppet
I need to know that this mattered. Even if everything changes from here on.
Red puppet
Me too. I don't want to turn the past years into a mistake just because I feel differently today.
Blue puppet
And still, it isn't clear yet: does the project need one more try, or is it hard for us to let it end?
Red puppet
Yes. But maybe that's more accurate than calling it all just tiredness again.
The folder remains open. A blank sheet lies beside the old plans.