I want change, but I’m afraid

Full dialogue

1. Two sides of one inner conversation. The evening before the working week begins.

2. Red puppet

   Sunday again. Since lunchtime I’ve been thinking about work tomorrow. The weekend isn’t over yet, but it already feels as if it is.

3. Blue puppet

   At least with this job we know what to expect. The salary comes on time. We can plan our lives.

4. Red puppet

   Yes. Only more and more, the plans are about how to make it to Friday.

5. Blue puppet

   And would it really be different somewhere else? There’d be a boss, deadlines and tiredness there too. We just don’t know them yet.

6. Red puppet

   Not necessarily different. But sometimes I’d like to at least find out. I look at job listings, find something interesting… and close them.

7. Blue puppet

   Because after the listing, the real part begins. Sending a CV. Waiting for an answer. Maybe getting no answer at all.

8. Red puppet

   And proving all over again that I’m worth something?

9. Blue puppet

   Here, they already know that.

10. A short pause.

11. Red puppet

    Here, they know what kind of work they can give me. Sometimes it feels as if that’s the only way I can picture myself now.

12. Blue puppet

    And that feeling matters to me: I know how to do this, I can cope. I don’t want to go back to asking, confused, about things everyone around finds obvious.

13. Red puppet

    I don’t want that either. It just hurts that wanting to try something new instantly turns into an exam on whether I’m capable.

14. Blue puppet

    When so much has been put into what we already have, it’s hard to accept that we could choose something else.

15. Red puppet

    As if all of it would have been for nothing?

16. Blue puppet

    A little. So many years, so much effort. And what if later we want to come back, and there’s no place left?

17. Red puppet

    So we stay. And then we’re angry at ourselves for staying.

18. Blue puppet

    And at me, too. As if all I do is get in the way.

19. Red puppet

    Sometimes, yes. Especially when every wish ends with a list of everything that could go wrong.

20. Blue puppet

    I just remember how hard it was when money was short. I don’t want to count the days to payday again and pretend everything is under control.

21. Pause.

22. Red puppet

    I don’t want to dismiss that. I need that stability. But it’s hard for me when, for its sake, something important keeps getting put off.

23. Blue puppet

    What exactly? A different job? Or the feeling that life can still be chosen?

24. Red puppet

    The second, probably. Though I don’t know whether a new job would give me that.

25. Blue puppet

    That’s exactly what I’m afraid of. We could change a lot, and that feeling would stay.

26. Red puppet

    Yes. And we could change nothing — and it would stay too.

27. Both puppets fall silent for a moment.

28. Blue puppet

    I’m not certain that staying is right.

29. Red puppet

    And I’m not certain that leaving is.

30. Blue puppet

    We keep demanding certainty from each other.

31. Red puppet

    Yes. And while there isn’t any, the next Monday arrives.

32. Pause. End of scene.