I want support, but I don't want to be a burden

Full dialogue

1. Evening at home. Tea is cooling on the table. The question ‘How was your day?’ received the familiar answer: ‘Fine.’

2. Blue puppet

   ‘Fine’ came out again. And now I'm sitting here, waiting to be asked one more time.

3. Red puppet

   Even though what I want is something quite different. For someone to stay beside me for a little while. No phone, no rushing.

4. Blue puppet

   They had a hard day too. I don't want to add my troubles to theirs.

5. Red puppet

   Yes. And how much energy they have matters to me. But why does that immediately mean it's better not to mention mine at all?

6. Blue puppet

   Because once I start, everything might come pouring out at once. What if there's no room for that beside me right now?

7. Red puppet

   Then it will hurt. Especially after taking so long to work up to asking, only to hear: ‘Let's do it later.’

8. Blue puppet

   Exactly. As long as I stay quiet, I can believe support is there. I'm just not asking for it.

9. Red puppet

   And when I do ask, I risk finding out that it won't be available right now.

10. A brief pause.

11. Blue puppet

    And I don't want to explain exactly how to support me. If I have to ask for a hug, is it really the same?

12. Red puppet

    Not the same as being noticed without asking. I want to be noticed too.

13. Blue puppet

    Then you understand. After asking, it will already feel as though they're doing it out of obligation.

14. Red puppet

    But when I say ‘everything's fine’, they might actually believe me.

15. Blue puppet

    Can't they see it in me?

16. Red puppet

    Maybe they can see tiredness. But what's behind it — wanting to talk, to sit quietly together, or to be alone — isn't necessarily clear.

17. Blue puppet

    I used to like being someone who copes and doesn't ask for too much.

18. Red puppet

    And that really helped. But now, even beside someone close, I have to keep proving that I'm no trouble.

19. Blue puppet

    I'm afraid that if there is more trouble, being with me will become hard.

20. Red puppet

    And what feels hard to me is only being able to show the part of myself that has already figured everything out.

21. A pause.

22. Blue puppet

    Sometimes I start getting irritated before we even talk. As though I've already been left without help.

23. Red puppet

    Even though the request has only been made here, between us, so far.

24. Blue puppet

    Yes. And then they ask something ordinary, and I answer coldly. It turns into something quite different from what I wanted.

25. Red puppet

    What I wanted was closeness. But from the outside it starts to look like I want to be left alone.

26. Blue puppet

    I don't need a perfect answer. Sometimes it's enough for someone just to sit with me.

27. Red puppet

    And yet, inside, asking for that still sounds like something enormous.

28. Blue puppet

    Probably because I'm asking for more than a few minutes. It's as though I'm asking: ‘Is it possible to stay beside me when I'm struggling?’

29. Red puppet

    And then it makes sense that even a small request feels so frightening to say aloud.

30. Blue puppet

    I don't know what I'll manage to say today. But ‘fine’ doesn't sound much like the truth anymore.

31. Red puppet

    And I don't want to spend another whole evening waiting for an answer to a question nobody heard.

32. The tea stays on the table. The puppets look toward the room where ordinary household sounds can be heard.