I want to ask for a raise, but I’m afraid of damaging relationships

Full dialogue

1. Evening. A list of tasks for next week is on the screen. Beside it, an empty message to the manager is open.

2. Blue puppet

   Today they asked us to take on yet another area of work. They said, “We can count on you.” It felt good to hear that.

3. Red puppet

   Then the salary spreadsheet opened. And that good feeling went somewhere else.

4. Blue puppet

   It didn’t disappear. I just want trust to be expressed in more than new tasks.

5. Red puppet

   Then why is the message still empty?

6. Blue puppet

   Because the moment I write “I’d like to discuss my salary,” it feels as though everything before this was only done for money.

7. Red puppet

   But money matters too. Why can’t we acknowledge that without cancelling out everything else?

8. Blue puppet

   I can already hear the answer in my head: “Things are difficult for everyone right now.” And I feel awkward before the conversation has even begun.

9. Red puppet

   And I feel awkward every time I agree to more and pretend I’m happy with everything.

10. A short pause.

11. Blue puppet

    We’re treated well here. There’s trust and freedom. I don’t want to spoil that with one conversation.

12. Red puppet

    Keeping that matters to me too. But sometimes it feels as if being treated well depends on my never asking for anything in return.

13. Blue puppet

    I don’t know whether that’s true. No one has forbidden us to ask.

14. Red puppet

    Yes. But there’s already a rule inside: as long as they’re happy with me, it’s better not to change anything.

15. Blue puppet

    What if they ask why I, specifically, should get a raise? I’ll have to list my achievements. As if I’m selling myself.

16. Red puppet

    It’s strange: I can calmly list the extra tasks. But saying that my work is behind them already feels shameful.

17. Blue puppet

    It’s not even a refusal that scares me most. What if afterwards they decide I’ve become harder to deal with?

18. Red puppet

    Something else scares me: that I’ll always be easy to deal with, while irritation keeps building up inside.

19. Blue puppet

    And then it’ll come out in the wrong place. Over an ordinary request. At someone who doesn’t even know how much has built up.

20. Red puppet

    Because as long as all anyone hears is “Of course, I’ll do it,” no one hears the second part.

21. Pause. The cursor blinks in the empty message.

22. Blue puppet

    I want them to notice it themselves. Without having to prove my worth.

23. Red puppet

    Yes. I don’t only want a raise. I want to feel seen.

24. Blue puppet

    But even a raise won’t be able to answer all of that at once.

25. Red puppet

    Probably not. And silence isn’t answering it either.

26. Blue puppet

    Then what’s scarier — hearing that it’s not possible right now, or no longer looking like someone who’s always satisfied with whatever they’re given?

27. Red puppet

    I don’t know. But I think that’s exactly what we don’t dare to talk about.

28. The message remains unsent. The puppets are silent for a while.